Relationship Talks | | What my grandparents’ 50 years of marriage taught me

Love is beautiful

Love is kind and heart-warming

Love is giving and giving is love

Love is showing the next person beside you how much you care and cherish them

Love is more than a feeling

Love is caring, adoring and fulfilling

I could go on and on defining love, but for the sake of this post, let’s put a pause there. However, all these definitions of love could only be acknowledged if you’re with the right person.

Now, what’s the reason for all these definitions of love? My grandparents are the inspiration behind it. Funny right? Well, let’s get to know why.

Between, this a long post. Be sure you’ll enjoy reading it.

Growing up as a kid to adulthood and seeing my grandparents love each other more and more each passing day just keeps me wondering if they ever for one day resent each other. I wonder how they have been able to cope as couples for over 50 years! That’s a whole lot of years, you know.

I have a close relationship with both of them so I tend to ask so many questions, though they keep pushing the questions to each other. How funny could that be!

Often times, it marvels me how they fight –quarrel – argue over things before bed and settle everything on bed at night (It’s not what you’re thinking though, I got you! lol). They laugh together, make jokes at each other, eat mutually, wear the same clothes to occasions if necessary, pray together etc.

They have watched their children grow into adults, seen their grandchildren develop from toddlers to smart chaps. I’m in awe of how they scream at each other and still sleep together on the same for bed for years! I mean that’s a whole lot. Well, you might wonder how I know all of these. I stay with them.

Was it looks that makes a relationship last longer?

I doubt that.

If it was looks, I don’t think my grandparents would have lasted this long. With the flat tummy that has now become rough through childbirth? Is it the charming face that is now wrinkled?  Smooth skin now coarse because of old age? Coke shaped body that has paved way for the septuagenarian. The tall, dark and handsome requirement that is far behind now.

Their life has taught me these lessons:

Be his/her best friend

Remember when I wrote this post about dating your best friend? I guess this just sums it up.

If friendship isn’t the major thing in their marriage, I’m pretty sure it’s going to be hard to keep up any time a whirl storm that could break their marriage comes. It isn’t going to be that easy to still laugh at each other, make jokes about how they look at old age. They even still have crush on each other, imagine.

Stick with him/her through thick and thin 

There were times when she (my grandma) said there was nothing with which to feed the children and she had to hustle (wake up very early, prepare the children, go to her work place – Wharf, and come back late at night) to support the man of the house.

As far as I knew, it wasn’t that rosy for them at the beginning but they stood by each other till they were able to make headway.

Now our society has induced our stance and we don’t want to do that again. With the slay queens and kings on Instagram, it’s quite hard to stand by anyone that is not making some cool money.

My counsel? Prove yourself worthy by sticking with your spouse through thick and thin with your plans and taking steps towards it. Not just rendering lip service to it.

Care for your (grand) children

My grandparents weren’t educated, but they were not illiterates. They made sure they saw their children that were interested in school through it. Cared for them so much that they made sure they got what they wanted.

I pride myself as the first grandchild of the family because I was always doted on, especially by my grandma. Gosh! I so love her. On days when I had had enough lunch at the office and I didn’t feel like having dinner, you need to see how she’s over me asking me various questions and even apologize if she had done something wrong to me. She places numerous calls to me if I’m running late at work. Back in my school days (I’m still going back o); almost all friends knew my grandparents. Funny though, but I cherish every moment!

Help each other

Like the Bible says, you’re his/her help meet (Genesis 2:20). Don’t leave the other person to do everything, help each other out – spiritually, emotionally, financially, socially and in every other way you could be of help. My grandpa was always doing all the bolting, screwing, fixing and painting that need to be done in the house even though he has someone that could help (he’s still active and strong like that).

My grandma in return always helps him rinse and spread his clothes on the line whilst he’s washing because he doesn’t allow anyone do his laundry.

Forgive

There are times when they’ve argued and each person decides to stay on their lane for some time (it’s odd because they are not like that). After a short while, we would notice that they’ve started relating so well again. Undoubtedly, there would be conflict; like how would two people with different characters and interests stay together without stepping on each other’s toes. But there is always another chance with forgiveness.

Hear each other out, be on the same page, listen more and everything is going to be fine.

I figured that sometimes when grandma starts ranting, all he does is pick his cloth and step out of the house then come back later in the day when she’s cool. To me, it will be painful.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

I could remember when my grandma wasn’t in the country and grandpa was alone. Though he had a lot of grandchildren around him, his children were around too but I could still sense that he was missing someone. He slept alone on their bed, no one to make his favorite breakfast (Pap and bean cake), he couldn’t argue with anyone other than his wife that was in another country at the time. One could tell that he was really missing her, but he had put up a facade.

Whenever his dinner was served, he would not consume much like he would have done if it was prepared by his wife. I could recall he gave my aunt a 60% for the cooking and his wife 99% when she prepared his dinner weeks after she returned to the country.

Absence had made him loved her even more when she returned because he was always doting on her – filing her in on everything that had happened in her absence during their bed talk. Isn’t that just cute? 😍

In addition, accept each others difference – give room for growth, don’t bear grudges and most of all love even more with each passing day.

Having said this, no doubt it was God that kept their marriage.

Because God created this organic union of the two sexes, no one should desecrate his art by cutting them apart. 

When the time is right to tie the knots with person He has prepared for me, I will surely make use of all of this and even more.

So over to you, do you still have grandparents? what did you learn from them? I definitely want to hear their stories too. Hit me up in the comment section.

P S: Look out for another post on InspirationTuesday 

Cheers to an amazing weekend!

Much love,

Lara.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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