First off, apologies for not putting something here on Tuesday. I will make it up to you next Tuesday, God willing. I’m forgiven, yeah? You’re such a darling. Thank you 😘
For some reasons, this has been the only thing on my mind to share for this month. If you read my post two weeks ago, you would have noticed that I actually shared something on Self-acceptance. Maybe because I had my share of not loving myself the way I should, I had criticized myself so many times; the way I looked, my skin colour, the shape of my nose etc.
Just before you read this, I have to tell you it’s a long read but I promise it will worth your time because I will tell you how tough it is to love oneself and the reasons you should.
When I was in growing up, I was like most young girls who lived freely without taking note of whatever anyone had to say about them. But then, as I grew up, got into the higher institution, friends started intimidating me – I was told that I was too dark-skinned, skinny; no bust and ‘behind’, big-eyed, amongst others.
We would all have a good laugh about it but when I got to the corners of my room, I would think about what everyone had said. All of these started getting to me bit by bit such that I began to withdraw from being the loving the person I was in a bid to become what others think I should be. I began to resent myself for who I was; my looks, stature etc.
The lack of self-love then prevented me from truly connecting with other people because I was fundamentally disconnected from myself. I had rejected parts of myself, making it impossible to freely give and receive love from others.
Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.”
– Stacey Charter
This was the struggle for a very long time – it affected my personal relationship as I always found fault in everything I did. You can call it low self-esteem.
I had sought out for love in relationships, forgetting the fact no other person but I can make me feel lovable – not even the right person. It has to come from me first. I had seen friends that were doing better than me as competitors when I should have learnt from them.
However, you might think you love yourself well enough, at least you go have fun, play, chat with friends and so many other things, but deep down your heart, you know something vital is missing. The self-love and worth are not there as they ought to be.
How would you know you don’t love yourself?
- If you are plagued by self-doubt and insecurity, if you’re highly critical of yourself (more so than you are of others), or if there’s any part of you that you wish were different, then you need a primer on self-love.
- If you constantly try to become someone else because they are more beautiful or handsome.
- If you begin to please people at the expense of your happiness because you don’t want them to say bad things about you.
- If you don’t feel free to express your ideas because you might say something foolish or you are not good enough.
- If you don’t take pride in the way you look, how you talk, what you wear etc.
Don’t be surprised if you ticked almost all the boxes of things stated above because I struggled with it too. I thought I loved myself the way I was created but in the real sense, I didn’t.
Let me tell you, your unresolved self-criticism and judgment will create all sorts of traps that will keep you from fully getting engaged in meaningful relationships with people as you would always find fault in them.
Nonetheless, once you learn to love yourself, you’ll be free from the shackles of self-doubt you’ve lived with. And you’ll finally be able to love other people just as much as you’ve loved yourself.
You would be able to push yourself to be a better person with each passing day because you no longer doubt yourself, you now cherish and respect yourself more than you had done in the past. At this point, if you’ve had messy relationships because you brought the baggage of insecurity into the relationship, the relationship would improve because you know you are worthy of love, and how much love you give yourself is worth more than the stress.
Now, it’s not like I’m all there yet and those naughty feelings don’t creep in at times, but then when those feelings set in, you should remind yourself that:
1. You are beautifully and wonderfully made by the Creator Himself. He made no mistake in the process of creation, everything He did form you to be who you are. I mean, He wouldn’t have given you the fine face, straight or curvy legs if He hadn’t thought that it would make you beautiful.
2. Nobody is just like you in the whole universe – nobody literally has your type of smile, teeth, nose, feet, nails, shape, brain and all. Though they may look like you but not exactly you!
3. You are perfect and amazing just the way you are despite whatever flaws you might you think has disfigured you. Think of Bruno Mars Just the way you are.
Have you struggled with this in the past and you overcame? I would like to hear your story. You can shoot me an email or hit me up in the comment section. I’d love to hear from you.
PS: In the next post about Self-Acceptance, I would tell you I gradually began to love myself the way I should.